Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
