Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
