captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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