he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
