Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
