my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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