oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
