Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
