Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
