um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
