i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
