ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You don't make any sense
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