how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
