I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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