I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
