I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
