Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
