i think my tv is drunk
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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