You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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