Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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