So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
