he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
