Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
