loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
