I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
