I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
