how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
