Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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