im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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