A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
