everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I see more hoeing in ur future
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