Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
