I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
