Don't you send me to vm
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
