I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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