Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
