Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
