Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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