I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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