I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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