I'm so fucking centered right now
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
