Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
