well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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