But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
