Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
