i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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