there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
