i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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