Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
