So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
