he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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