When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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