pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
