I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
