he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
