His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
