I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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