I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
